Round 5 Chemo down (Week 5/11 - 5/16)

Got through round 5... Started uneventfully enough with plenty of hair for one of my nurses to complain about and the rest of the time kind of just surviving the whole thing. I went up with my nephew and he dropped me off at a friends place where we sat and caught up and talked about the usual. Next day I went to my pre-chemo check-up/blood work/port access. following that I went directly to be admitted to University of Washington Medical Center. Same floor, same nurses, different room...It all went about the same, but I'm pretty sure my appetite is disappearing faster than usual, partly the expectation of the food, and certainly the drugs.

Next day, Wednesday, I think I ate. The last week went in a rush, so did my packing, and I forgot my phone charger. Sent an email of my contact information to friends and family and tried to make the most of the time. Found the longest hallway at UWMC, and tried to make a habit of walking it...see you in the K wing...
Thursday, same, last day of Adria. Think my appetite will return after that since it's a harsh one.
Friday, Appetite doesn't return. I bet I can fast through the rest of this... After Adria is removed I lay and rest, notice a "drip," think it's sweat; Notice a puddle, it's blood and IV fluids. Most action I've had all week, nurse comes in, fixes IV and makes some calls for possible skin exposure to chemo, I get new PJ's and bedding.
Saturday, Last day of Ifos; almost done; I agree to have a shake of Ensure and who knows what which sits with me for a while, but later that night it doesn't. Friend arrives who will take me back tomorrow. Have developed a headache and ask for tylenol, barely get it down and it's back up, headache is raging. Just want to get through the night, is there something you can give me; reluctantly get morphine, sleep for 4 hours, woken with headache again, more morphine and I make it to morning. Docs and nurses all come round. I make it to discharge.

Sunday, I'm discharged and after a long time with prescriptions I finally get my Neulasta and am on my way. Sleep most of the drive back, Thank you April for coming to get me!

Even make it to work today. We'll see what tomorrow brings!

Careful what I wish for

In an attempt to work around all my engagements coming up I spoke with my chemo docs to see if the rounds of chemo can be worked around them. Answer is yes, and now my next admit is 5/11.

More fun! I will actually be glad to not shave again, and the nurses aren't all bad.

Adria and Ifos for 2 rounds and the chemo therapist was hinting around to 2 additional round of straight Ifos... Don't know what that's about, but will clear that up along the way...

As expected...

Portions of this post are from a note I scribbled down a bit after I got my check-up appointment (02/11/10).

"I'm not afraid of it coming back, I'm afraid of what I have planned if it does..." And by afraid I don't mean fearful, I mean I'm not excited about it. This does not mean suicide...ever.

1st. Everything I own is on sale, seriously, give me something elusive and temporary and whatever you want is yours. I've started this already...
2nd. Two more rounds of Chemo; not just chemo, but the strongest dose of Adria possible, like before, and plenty of Ifos. Two rounds because that will lead to the maximum lifetime dose of Adria I can have...
3rd. ...
4th. ...

Here's a bit on why Plan R(ecurrence) comes into play. First, I'm not sure if it's better to tell any of you before I attain confirmation, so I'm not going to. I'm convinced it was more costly telling some people in the first place. I don't want to cause you more stress, but I know some of you will resent that I held back. Please understand I'm doing it to save you anxiety and any other trauma this might cause.

In cruel irony, what seems like a week after I was given my next check up date, I began to notice swelling and a slightly firm(actually this is hardened tissue from radiation) mass in an area close to the scarred area. As I sit writing this I can feel mild discomfort and when I palpate the area and compare it to the opposed region of my body, there is a marked difference. I am worried about this, I'm pretty sure the bitch is back, and I'm really not sure if I should try to get an appointment sooner for a check up or just wait until my scheduled date. I'm not anxious to go through any more treatments etc etc, but I will and I'll keep fighting, but after that fight comes plan R and admittedly, that's not the best plan either. Should probably buy more lotto tickets...

I'm now left wondering, what didn't I do? Did I screw up by eating too much fast food, did I screw up by eating some of the things I used to eat(cell food, multivitamins, muscle milk) before all this, was I not aggressive enough in my fitness, did part of the cure(radiation)(No, I've had confirmation that it wouldn't) cause this, have I eaten too much chocolate, candy or Pepsi, did I not hold onto a bright enough attitude, did I latch onto a "I'm as good as dead" approach too much? What more can I change?